The History of the Tie

Little is known about the history of the tie but I have been able to reconstruct its past using ancient texts and blatant guesswork.

During feudal times it was customary for each peasant family to have their own patch of land to farm. They were assigned a plot dependant on their standing with their feudal lord and this plot was called a Tye. A post was driven into the ground and a piece of rope affixed at one end to the post and at the other to the neck of the peasant tied in a noose. If the peasant tried to farm outside his plot the noose would tighten and eventually lead to strangulation. This practice was later abandoned after the invention of the fence much to the relief of the peasants and a certain Mr. Hubert, designer of the fence and later (during the green renaissance), the hedge.

The history of tie does of course not end there. During those unenlightened times the peasants wore material around their necks during public holidays as a protest against their treatment at work. Their landlords scoffed at their demands but were enthused by the range of colours that adorned the bodies of even the most pox ridden peasant and decided upon a course of action that would eventually lead Lord Hofflewhite to invent the first tie.

‘Be the envy of your friends and cover up those embarrassing stains’ read the first advertisement for Lord Hofflewhite’s first range of ties.

Later campaigns warned,

‘If you don’t wear a tie you will be taken from this place and hanged by the neck until fashionable’ and

‘Ties are great especially for covering up buttons and if you don’t wear one you’ll go to hell’.

Such was the rampant advertising that soon all of Christendom was sporting a tie and for some reason slicked back hair.

Fashion truly works in mysterious ways.